Can we think ourselves out of anxiety?

Anxiety is an emotion that is strongly linked with the future. Without the concept of a future, there cannot be anxiety. Anxiety is a preparatory mechanism to get us ready for something that might harm us.

Anxiety usually has two components. One is the fear of what might come to pass. This is generally in the form of linguistic thinking (the voice in the head) or as images where the mind visualises what might happen. Usually, it is a mix of both, and not entirely clear to us. The fear of what might happen is our first resistance “I don’t want to face what might happen”.

These words and images create emotions of fear and uneasiness in the body. This ‘unsettled’ feeling is extremely unpalatable. And we want to get rid of it as soon as possible. So we resist the feelings – “I don’t want to feel this way”. This is our second resistance. This makes us think even harder to try to mentally solve the problem and put an end to this feeling. Thinking, however, only fuels the anxiety and increases the first resistance, which increases the uncomfortable feelings of fear and tension.

This is the anxiety spiral.

If unchecked, it can go to the extreme, leading to hysterics, hospitalisation or something similar. What can we do?

Most importantly, we need to find a place of safety in ourselves. As children, we could run to our parents and nestle ourselves in their arms. As adults, this is seen as a weakness. However, if we have people we trust and feel safe with, this helps us immensely. It serves as a grounding mechanism, where our body feels safe and secure.

However, most adults do not admit to themselves that they are anxious. Most of us begin to complain or talk out the problem to others. Instead of saying, “I am feeling terribly nervous”, we say, “I can’t believe the airline is so inept that they delayed the flight”. Here we see that the mind has descended to blame. However, the root emotion – which is anger or fear – remains, regardless of our complaining about it. Therefore, we must learn to separate the emotion from the thinking process that accompanies it.

Let’s say your airline cancelled the flight at the last minute. The mental commentary instantly begins, “How could they do this? I will never fly this airline again”. At that moment, if we can bring ourselves to ask,

“Yes. That is true. But how does this make you feel?”.

“What do you mean how does it make me feel? Angry!”

“Go to the feeling of anger”.

When we experience anger as anger, we begin to realise that behind anger is fear. This corresponds to the strong unsettled emotions we feel in the chest and the tummy. Having recognised this, we can reach out to another person if available. This is vulnerability. “Hey I am feeling extremely nervous, may I get a hug?”. Although this may seem to be a weakness, it is actually a position of great strength because it requires enormous courage to face one’s feelings.

But what if you do not have anybody around with whom you feel safe? There are a few things we could try.

First, try to go for a brisk walk or even a run. This helps us physically manifest the fight-flight response. The body is already tight and ready to flee – we just support it. Running or brisk walking helps us release those emotions as physical energy.

Second, perform a self-massage. Begin to press your arms and legs. Rub your ears and face. Give yourself a nice head massage. Begin to breathe deeply with the mouth and feel the chest rise and fall with the breath. This helps anchor you in the body and invoke feelings of safety. It serves as grounding yourself in the body.

Third, when you are slightly calmer, close your eyes and locate the emotion in your body. Without any mental commentary, just allow it to be. Let it exist in you. Connect to the calm, witnessing element of you, that can witness this emotion.

Fourth, set an intention. Ask yourself, do I want to be anxious? What sort of person do I want to be? Most of us would say, “I want to be a calm and mature person who can handle the cancellation of a flight with practical intelligence”. At this juncture, we find that we are not this person. Take care that you don’t use this opportunity to judge yourself. Understand that this is a temporary storm and you are choosing an anchor. This choice is critical as it serves to ground us. “I know my emotions are turbulent right now, but I choose peace. I choose serenity”. Allow the choice to slowly percolate into the emotion in its own time. The trick is to not force it or expect to feel calm instantly. What this choice does is that it prevents the mind from getting into the endless cycle of thinking-feeling that fuels anxiety. It reminds us, of who we want to be and what we want. Which helps the mind break out of repetitive thinking. However, the effect isn’t instantaneous because the emotions follow their own rules and are slower than the mind. This disconnect can be unsettling. This is where patience helps. We need to trust our intentions regardless of what reality is. “This is who I want to be, even if I am not that person at the moment. My choice matters to me. And I shall stand on it”.

As we practice these steps, especially the fourth, we gain the ability to have a say over our emotions and mental processes. This isn’t a denial of our feelings. On the contrary, it is a full acceptance of how we feel followed by an intention of where we want to go and who we want to be. Particularly, the last step requires time and practice. Do not be in a hurry to get rid of your anxiety. Keep practicing these steps and you will find that the grip of our emotions begins to ebb away.