Reframing our negative emotions

What does reframing our emotions mean?

Usually, when we are afflicted with a strong negative emotion, the voice in our head says “I am sad/hurt/angry or depressed”. This statement is not an accurate representation of reality. It would be more accurate to say “There is sadness/hurt/anger in me”.

This change in the way we state the truth of the situation (i.e. reframing) is very important. In the first case, we identify strongly with the emotion. That is, the emotion somehow erodes my very sense of self. In the second case, while we recognise its existence in our being, it does not impinge upon our self. We merely take the position of a witness.

Here is a simple process we can adopt when afflicted by an unpleasant situation:

Step 1: Recognize that you are constantly thinking about the situation. As we have seen in the past, thinking is a way of escaping feeling. Become aware of your worry and gently ask yourself, “What is the primary emotion in me?”

Step 2: Reframe the emotion. Instead of saying “I am afraid”, say, “There is fear in me”. This is critical to de-link the emotion from the sense of “me”.

Step 3: Ask yourself, “In what way am I harmed – NOW?” or “Is this emotion destroying ‘me’ – NOW?”. When we ask ourselves this question, we can begin to see that while the emotion could be strong and even intense, the one who observes this emotion cannot be affected in any way. This brings a sense of safety, and we can begin to feel a semblance of control.

Step 4: Meditate on the emotion. That is, close your eyes and allow the emotion to just be – no judgments, no hurry to get rid of it. Take deep breaths and give it full permission to be. Keep repeating this process whenever the emotions swell up.

It is important not to use this technique as a method to quickly get rid of emotions. Taking such an attitude perpetuates the emotions. We must learn to live with the emotion if we want to live without them.