Belongingness or Ownership?

One of the most striking things about modern human culture is the transformation of our relationships from one of belongingness to one of ownership. Let us take our relationship to our homes, to the land we live on. We call this property, indicating that we own it. Yes, we definitely own it in terms of the fact that the land is held on the asset column of our books and the fact that we did pay for it. But what I allude to is the psychological feeling behind calling it our property. In calling it that, we reduce something that has been naturally bestowed upon us by nature, to something that we call ours. And if you think about it, we did nothing (apart from exchanging numbers for ownership) to create this piece of land. This land and the greater ecosystem that it exists in were there before we humans decided to annex it and call it ours.

Ancient cultures understood that they belonged to the land. They had a deep understanding that the land nurtured them and provided for them. How could you own something that nurtures you? That is an intolerable idea. Can you own your parents, your pets or your partner? Do you call them your property? Ownership simply signifies an unequal power relationship. It means that ‘because I paid for you, I have a say in what I can do to you’. This attitude where money is used to assert moral authority over people and things comes from a deep psychological dysfunction. This dysfunction is characterized by a lack of connection to nature, to people and to things. Ancient cultures saw the earth as an extension of themselves. They revered stones, trees, and rivers because they intuitively understood the interconnectedness of all life. They had a simple, yet profound recognition that we would not be able to survive without the environment, without objects that help us make our lives easier, without the love and affection of people close to us.

“What is this you call property? It cannot be the earth, for the land is our mother, nourishing all her children, beasts, birds, fish and all men. The woods, the streams, everything on it belongs to everybody and is for the use of all. How can one man say it belongs only to him?”

Massasoit. Taken from https://bit.ly/3PyXVK3

We often think of human beings as nodes or islands i.e. unique individuals who have relationships with people, objects, and the environment. The emphasis is on the individual being complete by oneself. But science is telling us that our brains are shaped by the environment and in turn the way we think shapes the environment around us. The same thing is true with relationships, we condition our friends and our friends condition us. This means that the act of relating is more important than the fact that we exist as individual, isolated individuals. Our sense of self would atrophy in the absence of people and objects. This is why forced isolation (and not voluntary silence) can create severe mental illnesses. It can essentially destroy our sense of self. Take a minute. Pause. And ask yourself, ‘What would I be without the relationship with the things and people I value most’? Life would certainly be pointless, and meaningless. In fact, I would argue, that it is not the object or the person that we value, but our relationships with them.

The understanding that our well-being comes from the well-being of the whole was integral to all primitive societies. Somewhere along the development of our societies, we moved to a severe form of individualism. This put the individual at the centre of his own world and made relationships (with objects, things, nature) as consumables. By consumables, I mean things we take in to feel an enhanced sense of self. Today’s world represents the extremity of this worldview. We consume goods, services, experiences and even our relationships. The attitude is not one of honouring these things as integral to our well-being, but a matter of right. ‘I have to have this’ as opposed to ‘I am so grateful to have this’.

The earth does not belong to man, man belongs to earth. All things are connected, like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web of life, he does to himself.

Attributed to Chief Seattle (1786 – 1866)

The paradox is that most of us hardly value what we own. At one point in time, we coveted the latest phone, laptop or fancy pair of shoes. Having obtained it, we showed it off in public for a while, until the initial excitement of buying this ebbed away only to be replaced by yet another craving. This means that when we consume and own things, we are almost never content. Belongingness on the other hand is born from knowing how to value things, people and the environment that surrounds you. It is grounded in sacrality. It is expressed through reverence. Love, care and nurture are all integral to its expression. And these values are what nearly all of us seek in our lives.

How can we begin to inculcate an attitude of reverence for everything? The task seems arduous, but as always we can begin with small steps. Write down the most valuable things in your life. Is it a partner? It is a pet? Is it your job? Understand that the experience of happiness or love comes about through an interaction between the two things. If you were to remove either one of these two nodes (i.e. you and the other), the experience would collapse. What would a friendship be if the other is missing? Or what would nature be when you are absent to appreciate it? When we make the experience and the ability to have this experience (life or consciousness) central to life, then we realize that we are not the sole creators of this experience. We did not create the magic of friendship. Not did we create joy in a hobby we cherish. It came about due to the almost magical interaction between two or more things. We begin to feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to experience this, or for that matter, anything at all. In essence, the emphasis on the I reduces and the emphasis on relating increases. This attitude not only heals our own anxieties, depression, aloneness and other forms of psychological dysfunctions but also begins to heal the earth and all the people on it.