It’s that time of the year when everybody is talking about resolutions. And that time of the year when everybody advises everybody else on how to make and stick to one’s resolutions. Amidst this surfeit of free advice, comes one more. And this one doesn’t claim to be any different from the rest. It’s just something that has worked for me, and I hope it will for you too.
So, how can we keep our resolutions?
1. Understand if this is what you truly want. Is this resolution driven by peer pressure? Are you doing it, because it is the fever of the season? Or do you truly want to change the direction of your life? Why set goals in January? Can we be different and set them mid-year?
Set only those goals, that are aligned with your values. How do we get acquainted with our values? By finding out who we are. This ‘social decluttering‘ is a long arduous journey that can only be done by acquiring a quiet mind. Make sure you take some time each day to sit quietly and listen to yourself. Bring all those unheard, unheeded emotions to light and listen to them like a psychologist would do. Sitting quietly is the first step in discovering who we are.
But how do we even cultivate the habit of sitting quietly? What if we are unable to make that into a regular practice?
Well, the short answer is – you will be drawn to it when you have had enough of suffering – when you have had enough of leading a life that is going nowhere – a life led by jumping from one societal impulse to another. Unless we suffer so totally, we cannot begin to do things that are beneficial to us.
So, when you have had enough with the current way of living life – something deep in you stirs – a clarion call for change – heed this, and begin to meditate for a short time each day. Sit on a favourite couch. Or a chair on the balcony. Or your bed. And just listen. Remember, you are not forcing anything – no plans, no imaginations – just being – listening quietly.
By and by, as we develop the ability to listen to ourselves, something beautiful happens. We begin to gain the capacity to distinguish between passing impulses born from social influences and our deep innate desires. These deep emotional stirrings are our fundamental values.
These values become the guide for setting goals. Always set goals in alignment with who we are. In fact, once you stand on your values, you will find no pleasure in seeking goals that belong to others. This is what meditation and a quiet mind bestow upon you.
2. Minimize Distractions. This is one of the hardest things to do in today’s hyper-connected, super-distracted world. We have to recognize the finitude of time. Time is limited. Our energies are limited. Do we want to spend our years wasted on social media, television and series after series on a streaming service? Or do we want to spend our time, following those things that bring value and meaning to our lives? If we choose the latter, we gain the courage to truncate all distractions. We reduce meaningless friendship that only seeks to escape boredom. We begin to cut down, if not fully eliminate, time spent on social media. We reduce wasteful habits like mindless television watching. Slowly, as we practice this skill, we gain time. And this time is used to cultivate those things that are most meaningful to us – perhaps our health, perhaps our music, some hobby and so on. We do not realize, how much time is liberated from the clutches of wasteful activities.
3. Build Discipline. Making a consistent habit of doing something is extremely hard. Two things are known to help. One, keep reinstating your values and activities that reinforce and express them. This constant reminder – almost like a prayer – helps build the inner impetus. Two, start off with ridiculously small goals. For instance, if you want to institute a daily habit of walking – walk for 10′ a day. Third, tag the new habit to an existing habit. For instance, reading a page or two right after your daily shower, or when you have your morning coffee. Try to integrate the habit into your life, as opposed to thinking of carving out an undivided block of so many hours a week. I usually do this for exercise. I do 15 squats just before I get into the shower, 15 when I just get out and 15 more when my tea is boiling on the stove. This integration of habits into our daily lives, helps us overcome the ominous feeling one gets before embarking on something big.
4. Go from a goal mindset to an exploratory mindset. This is the most paradoxical. If we want to achieve our goals as an expression of joy, as opposed to making it a stressful activity, we must learn to stop fixating on goals. Goals are important, but only to orient you in the direction you want to go. However, if goals are used as a source of motivation i.e. “I only feel motivated when I hit my daily goals”, this is setting up a recipe for disaster. The purpose of a goal is like entering the destination on your phone’s GPS. Once done, you are not engaged in comparing your progress at every instant: “When will I reach there? Am I driving fast enough”. Such obsessiveness in tracking your goals results in severe stress. What is worse is that we begin to define our sense of self-worth and our joy only on meeting our goals. Have goals as a compass for your journey, never as the source of your joy.
Ultimately, our resolutions should make us happy, not stressed, not make us feel unhappy about ourselves. Realize that even though we may do all the above, life is inherently uncertain. You may fall sick. You may lose your job. Someone close to you may need you. If we have an obsessive focus on our resolution, then any such unpredictable event, leads us to frustration and anger, defeating the purpose of why we embarked on the journey in the first place.
Therefore, set your resolutions as an expression of your joy and of your values. Remember that playing out your resolutions is what brings joy. Joy is always in the here and now.
Journey of a thousand words 