Releasing our emotions safely

Emotions often trouble us the most. Although we attribute our pain to external causes, the true source is the impact these events have on our emotions. Healing from these trapped emotions allows us to let go of external triggers. Here is a four-step process that works well for me.

Step 1: Become aware
The first step is to become aware of the emotion. This is one of the hardest things to do. We get trapped in thinking about the person, the situation or the thing. As we’ve seen in previous posts (here and here), thinking is a way to escape feeling the emotion. This doesn’t help. Worrying and planning are a desperate attempt to resolve the feeling through thinking. Become aware, “Oh I am emotionally disturbed”. Ask yourself, “What is the dominant emotion in me?”. Fear? Anger? Sadness? Jealousy?

Step 2: Let it be
As soon as we observe the fact that there is emotion, our minds begin to judge. Often, this judgment is about ourselves. Or others. We feel we shouldn’t be angry. Or we shouldn’t feel jealous. Close your eyes. Bring back the attention to how the emotion feels in the body. Is it in your chest? Head? Throat? How does it feel? Let it be as it is.

Step 3: Breathe
As we isolate the emotion in a particular part of our body, start taking slow deep breaths. This can feel terribly uncomfortable. Even nauseous. Here, we need some courage to endure. If it becomes overwhelming, open your eyes, and look around. And when you feel you are ready, go back to the emotion.

Step 4: Shake
The best way to relieve the trapped emotion is by shaking the body. As you breathe deeply, begin to gently shake the head from side to side. You can use your hands, your torso or your legs. As you begin to gently move yourself from side to side, often, the built-up energy releases itself in a jerk or a shiver. This is similar to how some people shiver when they see a rat or a spider. Ducks do this by rapidly beating their wings. In fact, this is known as Therapeutic Tremoring. Bessel van der Kolk in his excellent book, “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” says this:

“The most natural way for humans to calm down and to restore the nervous system is through physical sensations, such as breathing, moving, and touching. Physical movement is one of the most effective ways to discharge tension and restore a sense of control and empowerment”

Peter Levine, a pioneer in trauma, writes this in “Waking the Tiger“

“In trauma healing, the primary goal is to help the client access and release these frozen energies, transforming them into a feeling of completion and mastery. “The process of releasing trapped emotions involves completing the unfinished fight-or-flight responses. This often includes shaking, trembling, and other physical movements”

We’ve seen that breath and body are important tools to release our emotions safely. These exercises are best done every day. Ensure that you take 30 minutes for yourself and check in with your emotions. Ask yourself, “How am I feeling?”. “What is the dominant emotion in me?”. This exercise isn’t meant as an opportunity to engage in self-pity but is an honest attempt to resolve these difficult feelings.

And when these trapped energies are released, the old phrase “A weight off my chest” is truly experienced. The same thoughts do not burden us anymore. Ultimately, our lives are as beautiful as our inner life is. The world, after all, is a mirror.