The Root of Polarization

It is an understatement to say that we live in a polarized world. We see the ill effects of polarization among nations, religions, politics, sports teams, committees, neighbours and even in the family. Polarization means that we have held onto one belief while the other has held onto a contradictory and often conflicting position. These mental beliefs divide us into two camps – the ones who are with us and those who oppose us. Polarization on face value seems something we ought to get rid of. Everybody talks of world peace, but polarisation’s ubiquity means it must address some core human need.

In the last post, we examined how the need to be right goes against freedom. But the need to be right compensates for a gaping hole in the human psyche. And that is the need for validation. Our need for validation makes us seek people who think like us and eventually form a group. At face value, this seems like belongingness. But this is in fact not the case. People in political organizations, sports teams and other committees, may not always share love and belongingness (although this may also happen). The need for validation comes about because we aren’t really confident in who we are and what we like. Therefore we need validation from another person. The greater the number of people who validate us, the more confident we feel. This sort of confidence and subsequently the belongingness we feel toward those who validate us is built on shaky ground. People and circumstances change all the time, and with it their validation of us. This banding together of people to validate each other is the root of polarization.

Let us look at an example. Say for instance you love cats. And a stranger you met at a party proclaims that she hates cats and then goes on to generalize that cats are disgusting creatures and people who own them are jerks. This statement would offend you because you love cats. But should it? Can we espouse the attitude that this is her opinion and does not reflect my reality? Can we give room for the other to hold this opinion, however impolite it may be? Such a plural attitude is only possible when we do not personally feel threatened by the attitude, comments and behaviour of the other. This is possible if we develop a sense of listening to our own likes and dislikes and being comfortable with them, without the need for anybody else to say “Yes, you are right in having these feelings”. Can we adopt this attitude towards ourselves?

When we are perfectly okay being who we are, including our proclivities and shortcomings, we can allow others to be imperfect too. This allowing of things to exist as they are frees us from unnecessary negativity and gives room for multiple opinions, preferences and beliefs in the world. We then gain the ability to say, “I like this. You like this. And that is okay”. Then, as Nehru once said ‘ it is okay to disagree with someone as long as you do not dislike them’. When each one of us gains the ability to be who we are, then polarization is simply not possible in any society.

A polarized society indicates that people are inherently insecure. They do not know how to be okay with being who they are. Thus, they seek validation for themselves, and an enemy to disparage, so that their own sense of self increases. This is the basis of all politics and even the concept of nations. Think of what a nation is. An arbitrary line on the map, associated with a flag, a national anthem and some shared history. But the very concept of nation polarizes. On this side of the line are ‘our people’ and on the other side of the line are ‘those people’. And then hate is spread and wars are fought over such an arbitrary line on an arbitrary pictographic representation called a map. Neither a map accurately represents geography nor does the line drawn on it. And yet, we cannot imagine our lives today without nations. One of the first things we identify with is our nationalities. The same argument is extended to our religious, spiritual and unfortunately today, our gender beliefs.

We cannot aspire for a harmonious, and yet diverse society if we do not grow up into our full human potentialities – in the sense of reaching full self-acceptance. Unless this is done, conflict, strife and disturbances in society will continue to be rife. What is needed today more than ever is this self-acceptance. This can happen by looking at ourselves and allowing all positive and negative emotions to be as they are. Without judging anything, without wanting to change anything at all. When we start with acceptance, then we begin to change. This is a change born not out of anger at being who we are, but a change born out of love for wanting to be the best version of ourselves. The change born from love truly brings serenity to life. Change born out of anger puts us on a death spiral towards more anger, bitterness and envy.

So begin the seemingly arduous tasks of self-acceptance. We go about this by spending increasing amounts of time in solitude, observing ourselves. As we begin to observe our quirks and our behavioural patterns, we begin to take an objective view of ourselves, just as a curious scientist would observe a unique species of spider in the Amazon. This self-observation brings about increased self-awareness. Self-awareness teaches us that we are the witness of all emotions, thoughts, beliefs and opinions. These are merely objects in our awareness and not fundamental to our sense of self. We are the ever-present awareness that watches them come and go. Then, as we begin to find that serenity within ourselves, we begin to project that onto our immediate surroundings. When a critical mass of people begin to do this, our politics change, our societies change and we can finally begin to aspire to live in a world that we can call beautiful.

“The world is a mirror, forever reflecting what you are doing, within yourself”

Neville Goddard