Who would I like to be?

This is one of the most important questions that we can ask ourselves. “Who would I like to be?”

Think of it as a north star, a guiding light, when the going gets tough. Most of us begin to complain, get angry or shut off emotionally when confronted with a difficult situation. Let us assume a partner leaves us. We start blaming the person, get angry at the other or even start hating the person. All these are the mind’s natural emotional responses to try to resolve the emotion of hurt. But the thing is that the mind begins to focus on the other, instead of going to the root of the hurt and accepting the fact that “I am hurt”. Over time, what this does to us is that it alienates us from ourselves. We begin to lose the connection with that part of us that can feel. And slowly the ability to feel atrophies – we neither feel hurt nor love. We only develop a sheath of hard ego. And the tendency to complain about other people, the world and the government begins to grow.

This is where, during moments of crisis, we need to ask ourselves, “Who would I like to be”? Do I want to be an accepting, happy and free person or do I want to be a whiner? Nobody would pick the latter. We all wish to be free, happy and sensitive to ourselves and others. But we must make this choice consciously. At this juncture, it is important to note that this rational choice must not be used to suppress what one feels. One allows oneself to feel the pain fully, and at the same time, one sets an intention. This intention acts as a guiding light to lift oneself out of the darkness, pain and suffering. This process takes time – for emotional healing takes time. But the intention is of paramount importance.

When we ask ourselves honestly – “Do I want to be a happy person?”, sometimes, some of us, cannot honestly answer “Yes”. We know we must answer yes, but we feel a terrible resistance emotionally. This shows that a part of us wishes sadness upon ourselves. This is the mind’s way of seeking pity and attention from ourselves. The tendency to complain is also a means of seeking attention. It is a way of obtaining that love which we did not give ourselves. Observe this conflict within yourself. We want to be happy, but not by ourselves. We want to be happy only when life treats us as we deem fit. This tension emphasises that a part of us still feels that we need others to make us happy.

To begin to honestly answer “Yes” to the question “Do I want to be happy?”, requires growing up. It needs the maturity to understand that no external thing can truly bring everlasting joy. Only I – that is – me creatively expressing myself can ever bring the joy that I seek. This change in one’s emotional state of being through rational understanding is imperative to be able to take responsibility for one’s happiness. This and only this can serve as a protecting charm against difficult external situations. This and only this can help you stay sensitive, enthusiastic and happy despite having gone through tough situations.

So we can all begin to ask ourselves “What sort of person do I want to be?”. Notice the adverse emotional reactions, if any. And slowly begin to move towards being able to answer “I wish to be a happy, free, content person”.